Supporting others in this difficult time is essential. So, when your friends or co-workers ask for your help, how do you react? Most people dive into offering solutions. Instead, learn to hold back, listen and figure out what kind of help they really need. Spend time immersing yourself in their problem.

Broadly, there are then 5 potential approaches you could take.

1 Coaching

Coaching is about enabling others to find answers to their own problems. You may well be in a formal coaching relationship with clear rules of engagement. However, it could just be an informal chat. Good coaching is about asking powerful questions that encourage the person to work out the answer themselves. Don’t offer solutions. Explore options instead. Don’t tell the person what to do. Let them work out the best way forward themselves. Only offer opinions if asked. This way the person coming to you will have great ownership and commitment to potential solutions.

2 Mentoring

Mentoring is all about offering help and advice, driven by your experience. Often a less experienced person will look to you for direction because you’ve walked in their shoes and learnt lessons along the way. In the early part of the conversation, be clear. Are they looking for you to advise them? Don’t assume. If so, ask clarification questions before you offer them that advice. Then be tangible and specific in offering them ways forward. Draw upon your knowledge, expertise and lessons to help them move forward.

3 Teaching

This is all about passing on knowledge and skills to build capability. if you find the individual is struggling with their situation, it may be that they lack the skills, competency or experience to tackle their problem. In this scenario, it may be that they need some formal training. Maybe you’re the person best placed to do this. Maybe you need to refer them to other teachers or training programmes. Listen out. Is there a capability gap? If so, work out how you can help them.

4 Counselling

If someone comes to you with deep-rooted anxiety and appears in a state of stress or heightened emotion, it may be that counselling is what they need. Listening generously, being empathetic and offering support is important in this scenario. Sometimes this may be enough. However, it may be that they need professional help to deal with their problem. Then, refer them to the appropriate people.

5 Practical Help

This is about actions rather than words. During the Covid-19 pandemic, people are just looking for a helping hand to help them out of a difficult situation. Maybe you can see practical solutions. It could be your time, your skills, your assets, your money. Ask yourself, what in a practical sense are you able and willing to help with? Over the past few weeks, there have been so many inspiring examples of people offering their services to others.

In summary

If someone asks for your help, firstly give them your time and attention. Don’t immediately jump in with answers. This can be quite hard if you’re keen to help or feel you know ‘the answer’. It’s something I’m often guilty of. Instead, spend time a) listening and working out what they really want or need b) responding most appropriately. Take your time. Understand what’s going on. Work out which of the five ways forward may be most helpful. It may be a bit of all of them. If you’re not sure, ask. Don’t assume upfront you know what they want or need. Let them guide you and respond appropriately. Support comes in many guises.