It seems that everywhere I look on social media, there’s a post saying that it’s good to fail, keep failing, don’t fear failure, etc. I’m wondering whether this focus on the merits of failure has gone too far. Whether our fixation on failure is a good thing.
Elizabeth Day is the champion of failure. I’m a big fan. I enjoy her podcast ‘How to Fail’. I’ve bought her book ‘Failosophy’. I follow her on Instagram.
Thanks to her work, I understand why embracing failure can help us grow and succeed.
a) It teaches you resilience: you have to bounce back and overcome your failures.
b) We learn and grow. It’s argued that you learn more from failure than you do from success.
c) It teaches us humility. It keeps our ego grounded.
All of which are good things. However, the reality is:
a) Failure is excruciating. It can be painful, humiliating, and costly.
b) It can destroy our self-confidence. It can stop us from pursuing our goals.
c) It can become a habit. It’s easy to go on a losing streak and to feel that your whole life is one big failure.
I’m not particularly competitive, but I hate failing. If I’m pitching for a piece of work, I want to win it. If I host a party, I want it to be the best party ever. If I’m delivering a presentation, I want the audience to love it.
Just as failure can be a habit, winning can be a habit. Success breeds success. Your confidence grows, and you get braver, bolder, and more audacious. Jurgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola don’t believe in failure. Liverpool and Man City fans fully expect their team to win every time they perform. As do the players.
Of course, failure happens to all of us and we all need to deal with it. But don’t make failure the goal. Don’t put it on a pedestal. Don’t make it an aspiration. All of which I fear some of these ‘failure features’ imply. Failure is inevitable at some points, but success is much, much better.
Instead, I’d suggest you try and adopt the benefits of failure, without seeking to fail. For example.
1 Stay Humble
If you are winning or successful, don’t let it get to your head. It’ll come back to bite you. Feel happy, but stay grounded. What’s the old Kipling quote? Something about treating success and failure as the same thing? Remember what the Stoics taught us - ego is the enemy.
2 Keep Learning
Retain the mindset of a student. Even if you’re successful, keep reading, be open to new ideas, and stay curious. Take lessons from success. Continue to seek fresh perspectives. Don’t wait for failure to force you to learn new things.
3 Push Yourself
If you are winning or successful, never rest on your laurels. Look for the next challenge. Develop better habits. Re-invent yourself if necessary. Again, don’t wait for failure to force you to do this.
Summary
Whilst learning to deal with failure is a good thing, don’t get too fixated on it. Don’t act as though failure itself is something to aspire to. Focus on winning instead. Success is much better.
The only caveat is that you mustn’t let success go your head. Enjoy it, but don’t let success lead you to arrogance or complacency. Don’t wait for failure to force you to learn and grow. Stay grounded, keep learning, and continue to push yourself.